Skill Description Cost MP
Seal Clubber
Seal Clubbing Frenzy By clubbing a stuffed seal at your campsite, you can work yourself into a frenzy. Your Strongness will increase for a period of time. n/a 1
Thrust-Smack (3) This is a thrusting smack with your weapon. It will do double the usual amount of damage to your opponent, and will never miss. 1000 3
Lunge-Smack (5) This is a lunging smack with your weapon, which, if it connects, will do triple damage to your opponent 1400 5
Lunging Thrust-Smack (8) This is a combination of a lunging smack and a thrusting smack. It never misses, and does triple your weapon damage. 3000 7
Tongue Of The Otter (13) This skill gives you the ability to lick your wounds, healing 20-30 Hit Points. 2800 10
Super-Advanced Meatsmithing (20) You are a master of the Tenderizing Hammer. The echo of generations of Seal Clubbers reverberates in your muscles as you beat the meat into shape. 3800 Int.
Hide of the Otter (29) Your skin becomes as thick as the skin of an otter, affording minor protection against enemy attacks 5000 Int.
Claws of the Otter (40) You become infused with the fighting spirit of the Otter, adding 3 damage to all of your melee attacks 6400 Int.
Tongue of the Walrus (53) This skill is an improved version of Tongue of the Otter, which heals 30-40 Hit Points for the same MP cost 8000 10
Hide of the Walrus (68) Your skin becomes as thick as the hide of a walrus, affording additional protection against enemy attacks 9800 Int.
Claws of the Walrus (85) You become one with the spirit of the War Walrus, adding 4 damage to each of your melee attacks 11800 Int.
Turtle Tamer
Patience of the Tortoise By reflecting on the nature of the Tortoise, you can gain temporary enlightenment. Your Strengthliness and maximum HP will increase for a period of time (5 adventures). n/a 1
Headbutt (3) This skill allows you to deliver a vicious headbutt to your opponent. The damage done by the headbutt is increased if you're wearing any kind of turtle as a helmet. 1000 3
Skin of the Terrapin (5) This is a passive skill which increases your defense against enemy attacks 1400 Int.
Spectral Snapper (8) This skill summons a spirit Snapping Turtle to bite your opponent. It does 7-10 hit points of damage, and never misses. 2000 5
Ghostly Shell (13) This skill conjures the shell of a ghostly tortoise, which envelops you (or another player) in a protective shield, greatly reducing damage taken in combat. Lasts 5 adventures 2800 6
Armorcraftiness (20) This skill allows you to make advanced helmets and pants. Advanced pants. Note: To make advanced helmets, you need a matching mineralized meat stack, which only Seal Clubbers can make. Advanced pants are penguin, hippo, and yak. 3800 ?
Reptilian Fortitude (29) By imbuing you with the physical strength of 1000 snakes and lizards, this skill temporarily (5 adventures) boosts your maximum HP by 30 8000 10
Empathy Of The Newt (40) This skill makes you temporarily (10 adventures) gain an uncanny empathy towards your familiar. You can use this skill on anybody, but Turtle Tamers are innately better at it 6400 15
Tenacity Of The Snapper (53) This skill makes you (or another player) relentless in combat, like the fierce Snapping Turtles of the Days of Old. It will increase the damage done by each strike. Lasts 5 adventures 8000 12
Wisdom Of The Elder Tortoises (68) You have achieved a level of awareness that almost matches that of the Elder Tortoises in the Days of Old. Your maximum MP is dramatically increased. 9800 Int.
Astral Shell (85) This is a vastly improved version of the Ghostly Shell skill. It increases the amount of damage absorbed by your (or another player's) hat and pants in combat. Lasts 5 adventures. 10800 10
Manicotti Meditation By meditating on your Manicotti Mandala, you can achieve oneness with the pasta which makes up the underlying structure of reality. Your Magicalness will increase for a period of time. n/a 1
Minor Ray of Something (3) This shoots a ray of something at your opponent, which will do 5-8 points of damage. 1000 2
Entangling Noodles (5) This spell allows you to conjure a wad of sticky noodles, which slow down your opponent and make its attacks less effective 1400 3
eXtreme Ray of Something (8) This spell fires a powerful ray of something at your opponent, dealing 10-16 points of damage 2000 3
Lasagna Bandages (13) This spell summons some enchanted lasagna noodles, which can be used as bandages, healing some of your HP 2800 5
Pastamastery (20) This skill allows you to summon forth noodles from thin air, and to cook delicious food by combining them with sauces. Useable 3 times per day. 3800 10
Leash of Linguini (29) This spell allows you to call forth an enchanted leash made out of noodles, which is placed around the neck of your familiar. This effectively raises your familiar's level by 5, but the noodles will deteriorate after 10 turns have passed 5000 12
Cone of Whatever (40) This spell allows you to call forth a powerful Cone of something, which will rain down on your enemies and hurt them very badly. Er, comparatively badly 6400 4
Spirit of Rigatoni (53) This skill greatly improves your ability to handle staff-type weapons. Your Magicalness will be used instead of your Strongness to determine whether or not you hit your opponent in combat 8000 Int.
Weapon of the Pastalord (68) This spell will summon forth one of the myriad randomly-generated weapons of the Pastalord, the sworn protector of the order of Pastamancers in the Days of Old. That weapon will then beat your opponent about the head or head-analogue 9800 5
Cannelloni Cocoon (85) This spell summons forth a huge Cannelloni, which envelops you and heals all of your wounds 11800 16
Sauce Contemplation By reflecting on the nature of the Cosmic Sauce, you can become more closely attuned to its mysteriousness. Your Enchantedness and Maximum HP will increase for a period of time. n/a 1
Stream of Sauce (3) This spell creates a stream of sauce, which will do 3-4 points of damage to an opponent. The damage of this spell increases slightly with your level. 1000 2
Expert Panhandling (5) This skill increases your combat skill when you have a saucepan-type weapon equipped. 1400 n/a
Elemental Saucesphere (8) This spell conjures a shell of sauce around you (or another player,) which will protect you (or another player) from all elemental attacks. 2000 3
Saucestorm (13) This spell creates a violent cloud of sauce, which engulfs an opponent and does 6-8 damage. The damage done by this spell increases slightly with your level. 2800 3
Advanced Saucecrafting (20) This skill allows you to use Scrumptious Reagents, in combination with various food items, to cook up a wide variety of sauces and salves. 3800 10
Jalapeņo Saucesphere (29) This spell will conjure a shell of spicy sauce around you (or another player.) Any monster who attacks the enchanted player must pass through the shield, and take damage. 5000 5
Wave of Sauce (40) This spell will conjure an immense wave of sauce, which will wash over your enemies and cleanse them from the face of the Cosmos 6400 4
Intrinsic Spiciness (53) This skill makes you spicier, in general, than others. Your Sauce spells will do more damage to opponents. 8000 n/a
Jabaņero Saucesphere (68) This spell will summon a thick shell of extremely spicy sauce around you (or another player.) Any monster attacking a player with this shell will take damage. 9800 10
Saucegeyser (85) This spell will call forth a tremendous geyser of Sauce from the ground at your enemy's feet. Few foes can withstand the savage combination of beating and drowning that this spell delivers. 10800 5
Disco Bandit
Disco Aerobics By disco dancing at your campsite, you can put youself in a Disco State of Mind. Your Moxie will increase for a period of time. n/a 1
Disco Eye-Poke (3) In the course of your disco dancing, you can poke your opponent in the eye (or eye analogue), doing a small amount of damage and throwing your opponent off guard 1000 3
Nimble Fingers (5) Your mad looting skills will cause the amount of meat dropped by monsters to increase. 1400 n/a
Disco Dance of Doom (8) You can bust a disco move all up out the joint, damaging your opponent all the while. This skill will inflict 6-8 points of damage. 2000 5
Mad Looting Skillz (13) This skill will increase the rate at which the monsters you slay drop items. 2800 n/a
Advanced Cocktailcrafting (20) This skill focuses your disco groove into the ability to make special high-quality cocktails. 3800 n/a
Disco Nap (20) This skill allows you to take a quick Disco Nap, and heal some of your wounds. 3800 7
Disco Dance II: Electric Boogaloo (29) This advanced form of the Disco Dance of Doom is sure to leave your enemies both smacked around and confused. 5000 7
Crossbow Fever (40) You are extremely skilled with the crossbow -- your Moxie is used instead of your Strongness to calculate your chance of hitting an opponent. 6400 n/a
Overdeveloped Sense of Self Preservation (53) This skill makes you less likely to be taken by surprise in combat, and increases your chances of successfully running away from a monster. 8000 n/a
Disco Power Nap (68) This is an improved version of the Disco Nap. 9800 10
Disco Face Stab (85) This is a vastly improved version of the Disco Eye Poke. Instead of poking your opponent in the eye, you stab him (or her, or it) in the face. This is sure to cause him (or her, or it) some problems 11,800 10
Accordion Theif
Moxie of the Mariachi By diligently practicing playing the accordion at your campsite, you can channel the Moxie of the Mariachi -- your Moxie and Maximum HP will increase for a period of time n/a 1
Hoojiwat's Hymn of Healthiness (3) This song makes you (or another player) feel healthy, increasing maximum HP. 1000 3
The Moxious Madrigal (5) Hearing this song will fill you (or somebody else) with great Moxie 1400 4
Cletus's Canticle of Celerity (8) Upon hearing this song, you (or somebody else) will begin to move very quickly, and with improved combat reaction times. 2000 6
Polka of Plenty (13) This song will fill you (or somebody else) with greed, and make more Meat drop from monsters in combat 2800 8
The Magical Mojomuscular Melody (20) This song will attune you (or somebody else) with your (or somebody else's) spirituality (hippy) and increase your (or somebody else's) maximum MP 3800 11
The Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith (29) This song will fill you (or somebody else) with passionate intensity, and great Strengthliness 5000 15
Brawnee's Anthem of Absorption (40) Upon hearing this song, you (or somebody else) will gain a strange absorbency. Monsters will do less damage to you (or somebody else) in combat 6400 19
Fat Leon's Phat Loot Lyric (53) Upon hearing this song, the listener will be imbued with superior looting skills - monsters will drop items more frequently in combat 8000 24
The Psalm of Pointiness (68) And lo, unto the audience shall be conjured an aura of pointiness, and verily shalt those who attack the audience be poked as though with legion pointy objects 9800 29
Jackasses' Symphony of Destruction (85) This horrible song will make whoever hears it very angry. And anger, in this case, will correspond with increased melee damage 11800 35
Stevedave's Shanty of Superiority (104) This song will impart upon its listener a sense of righteous indigation. This indignation will manifest as a generalized combat superiority over monsters 14000 42
The Ode to Booze (125) This is the best song ever. Whoever hears this song will gain a remarkable ability to drink, and will gain more adventures from alcoholic beverages 16400 50