We at Noblesse Oblige run an automated "buffbot" which provides "free" and low-cost buffs! Our lovely bot, Noblesse Oblige (player #594822), lives to serve you. Below are our offerings in a handy table format. To help you make better-informed choices, we've even described what each buff does!

If you need further help, you'll find it under the table [and dreaming] along with detailed instructions and an important troubleshooting guide you may smash in case of emergency.

THE TABLE: Use this to order your buffs!
Note: The 240-turn amounts are "philanthropic" buffs. You may request only one shot of each per day.

Buff Name 240
Aloysius' Antiphon of Aptitude (AT)
    +3 substats after each battle
1 2,101 7,501 13,701
Astral Shell
    Reduces physical & elemental damage
2 602 2,002 3,602
Brawnee's Anthem of Absorption (AT)
    Reduces physical damage
3 603 2,103 3,903
Carlweather's Cantata of Confrontation (AT)
    Increases likelihood of combat adventures
4 1,004 3,504 6,404
Cletus's Canticle of Celerity (AT)
    Increases initiative by 20%
5 105 305 605
Elemental Saucesphere
    Reduces elemental damage
6 606 2,006 3,606
Empathy of the Newt
    Increases familiar weight by 5lbs
7 907 3,307 6,007
Fat Leon's Phat Loot Lyric (AT)
    Increases item drop rates by 20%
8 508 1,708 3,108
Ghostly Shell
    Reduces physical damage
9 309 909 1,709
Jabaņero Saucesphere
    Returns 1-5MP upon taking damage
10 610 2,010 3,610
Jackasses' Symphony of Destruction (AT)
    +12 melee & spell damage
11 411 1,311 2,411
Jalapeņo Saucesphere
    Returns 1-5HP upon taking damage
12 212 612 1,212
Magical Mojomuscular Melody, The (AT)
    +10 buffed mysticality, +20 max MP
13 113 313 613
Moxious Madrigal, The (AT)
    +10 buffed moxie
14 114 314 614
Ode to Booze, The - Shot #1 (AT)
    Increased adventures from booze
20 turns
2,615 9,515 17,415
Ode to Booze, The - Shot #2 (AT)
    Increased adventures from booze
20 turns
2,616 9,516 17,416
Polka of Plenty, The (AT)
    Increases meat drops by 50%
17 317 917 1,717
Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith, The (AT)
    +10 buffed muscle, +20 max HP
18 218 518 918
Psalm of Pointiness, The (AT)
    Reduces monster power upon taking damage
19 719 2,519 4,619
Reptilian Fortitude
    +30 to HP
20 620 2,020 3,620
Sonata of Sneakiness, The (AT)
    Increases likelihood of non-combat adventures
21 1,021 3,521 6,421
Stevedave's Shanty of Superiority (AT)
    +10% to all buffed stats
22 1,522 5,522 10,122
Tenacity of the Snapper
    +8 melee damage
23 423 1,423 2,623
Ur-Kel's Aria of Annoyance (AT)
    Increases monster power by level
24 1,524 5,524 10,124
BUFF PACK: Farmer Pack
    Phat Loot (AT), Polka of Plenty (AT), and Empathy
226 1,726 5,926 10,826
BUFF PACK: Saucesphere Pack
    Elemental, Jalapeņo, & Jabaņero saucespheres
125 1,425 4,625 8,425
BUFF PACK: Survival Pack
    Reptilian Fortitude, Astral & Ghostly Shells
227 1,527 4,927 8,927
We also offer The Smile of Mr. A also known as Boxes of Sunshine for 50,000 meat per smile We only have 5 available per day, so consider this an experimental donation buff!

INSTRUCTIONS: Need a buff? Please follow these steps!
  1. Know what a buff is.
  2. Make sure you are NOT in Ronin or Hardcore mode. These show up on your character pane.
  3. If requesting Accordion Thief buffs (noted "(AT)" on the above table), make sure you have room -- you normally cannot have more than 3 AT buffs on at any one time. You can "Shrug Off" an AT buff (a musical note icon) by right-clicking it, or in your Character Sheet.
  4. Check if the buffbot is up. Enter chat and type /whois Noblesse Oblige. If "Online" doesn't show up, don't bother!
  5. Use the table above to decide which buff you want, and in what amount of turns.
  6. The table indicates a number for that buff and duration. This number is in meat, and is what will be used to tell the buffbot what you want.
    Example: If you'd like 240 turns of Astral Shell, the chart says 2 meat. If you'd like 6,000 turns of Ghostly Shell, the chart says 909 meat.
  7. Click "Messages" at the top of your screen, and then "Write a Message." In the To: field, type Noblesse Oblige or 594822. In the Send Meat box, type the number the table indicated for your buff. Click Send. Please note that your meat will NOT be refunded unless the buff fails.
  8. Wait up to 1 or 2 minutes for your buff to process. DO NOT adventure during this time. If you don't get your buff, scroll down to the Troubleshooting section. Enjoy your buff(s)!

TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE: Smash In Case Of Emergency.
  • If something goes wrong, the buffbot will tell you. If for some reason you receive nothing, the bot is likely offline and will process your buff request when it gets back.
  • If you're requesting an AT buff, please remember that you are normally only allowed to have three songs in your head at any one time, so you'll have to go to your character pane and "shrug off" any AT buffs you don't want in order to make room.
  • If you receive an error more than once, please stop trying.
  • We do not offer refunds for our "philanthropic" 240-turn buffs. If, however, you fail to receive an order for a large of non-philanthropic buffs and really need the meat, please k-mail the bot or one of the members of our clan.
  • Please keep in mind that it's possible the bot may go insane and try to kill everyone. If this happens, we're not responsible for any loss of limb, small amounts of meat, and sanity. We are sorry, though!
  • If you have any other problems, we apologize and prostrate ourselves before you. Prostrate, not prostitute. Unless you've got the meat...

DONATIONS: Giving for fun and profit (?!??)
  • Noblesse Oblige currently attempts to fund all aspects of the buffbot by itself, from food and drink to the ever-expensive Magical Mystery Juice.
  • While we don't expressly ask for donations, we do accept them; donations of meat, valuable items, Canned Air, Gloomy Mushroom Wine, and Fancy Chocolate are always hugely welcomed.
  • Consider purchasing a Box of Sunshine / Smile of Mr. A from the bot for 50,000 meat. We only have five per day, but it's nice!
  • Any donations not able to be used directly on the buffbot will go toward future community joy-enriching Noblesse Oblige projects. We thank you!
  • Meat donations must be sent in a gift package or in meat-stack form. They bounce off us like a meat-trampoline otherwise!